I was reading news online when I saw two news stories about ADHD and violence.

In story #1 - 9 News in Colorodo reports on Matthew Murray - who shot and killed four people before killing himself in December 07. Toward the bottom of the article, this story reports on how Matthew had ADHD, had been on ritalin in the past, and stopped it at his own request 6 years before the shootings.

In story #2 - An 18 year old young man with untreated ADHD was charged for stabbing someone. One interesting aspect of this story is that this young man could not receive any help or treatment for his ADHD (i.e. non was available, even acknowledged by the judge in the case).

These stories beg the question:

Does ADHD lead to violence?

The answer is yes and no.

When people have untreated ADD or ADHD, they have a higher risk of violence. However, there are many people with ADD or ADHD (even if it is untreated) who are not violent at all.

The diagnosis of ADHD includes the fact that people are impulsive - i.e. they often act before they think. This can be a risk factor for violence.

Some research shows that approximately 50% of people incarcerated have undiagnosed or untreated ADHD.

ADHD is a risk factor for violence.

Treating ADHD lowers that risk.

Do I believe that the diagnosis of ADHD led Matthew Murray to shoot 4 people and then himself?
Do I believe that the diagnosis of ADHD led Alfie Goody to stab someone?

No - I think that would completely over-simplify the issue.

All I can say is that research shows that treating ADHD can reduce the risk of violence.

If your child, teen, spouse, or someone else that you care about has ADD or ADHD, and is showing some violent tendencies - see if you can get treatment for their ADD or ADHD. It may make a big difference.

I realize that this article may be quite controversial for many of you. Please enter your comments below.

Dr. Kenny

p.s. Medications are effective treatments for ADD/ADHD, but many people are reluctant to consider them for many reasons. To get a copy of my 25 page free report, visit Medication Mastery.

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Here’s the background on this one:

I published an article on how I was in a cafe - and I was essentially kicked out. I shared this story, and how awful it felt to be judged on this blog.

Then, I wrote a summary of the overall topic - called: Judgment in ADHD - including many of the comments posted by you on this blog.

I just approved a comment from Mark - who shared how little the electricity would cost, and he asks at the end of his comment - “My question.. why care what an a****** thinks?”

I started to answer his question as a comment, and then I thought I should move this to a new post altogether.

My reaction to all of the comments and emails has been mixed…

Here is what I wrote to answer Mark:

Mark,
Thank you for the electricity info. I knew it wasn’t that much electricity - and I appreciate your calculations.
Many people have commented about my reaction to this man and this situation.
Listen, I didn’t post this to prove anything about me…
In fact, it showed that I am human too… (and certainly NOT perfect!)
There are many comments here (And some people emailed me directly) critiquing my reaction and making suggestions for how I could have handled it better.
And you know what?
I agree with just about all of these comments.
The reality is:
* Yes, I am human…
* Yes, I do have an ego…
* Yes, I do judge as well…
* Yes, that man made me quite angry, and even though I could have, or should have reacted differently, I didn’t…

After the whole incident, I had this idea that I could share this story to help to share an uncomfortable human experience:
That of being judged.

All in all, I am very happy that I did.

You see, this has sparked a very productive discussion on this blog.

It has touched people.
Mothers have written in that they were crying…
That they felt understood…
People who are advocates for ADD and ADHD are working through real life issues (including me!).
So, I’m glad I posted this article.

NOW - before some of you post that I am writing this defensively - I am!
I know that :-).

Why?

Even though I am a sensitive guy… an advocate for people who deal with mental health issues…

I still went through 9 years of medical training where I was taught to be the EXPERT. To never show that I don’t know what I am doing.
That is on top of the general societal view that no one wants to show their mistakes.

If that incident happened again, would I handle it differently?
I hope so, but I don’t know…

I think that the critical gift for me from this whole discussion is this:

Feeling judged unfairly (and discussing it on this blog with you) has made me realize the fact that I am judging as well.
I am more aware of it.
Now that I am more conscious of it - I am watching it and consciously working on reducing it.

So, I thank you for this discussion.

It’s interesting… Even though I recently got a card from a patient’s mother thanking me for being supportive, and helping in a non-judgmental way - this blog discussion has shown me the fact that I still judge.

As a big advocate for ADD/ADHD, I commit to you to reduce my judgments outside of my office as well… i.e.being non-judgmental inside my office isn’t good enough…

Thank you for the productive discussion. I think I’m finished my comments here. Defensive as they may be…

As always, Please enter your comments below. I will value them.

Dr. Kenny

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Last week, I wrote a story about how I got kicked out of a cafe - because of a misunderstanding. The part that was most frustrating to me was that I felt that I was negatively and unjustly judged by the owner of the cafe. You can read the original article here (judgment in ADHD). I posted that I learned a very important lesson about how awful it can feel to be judged by someone unjustly - and how I could now better understand the issues that parents of kids with ADD and ADHD deal with on a regular basis (because of constant judgment from so called ‘well meaning’ strangers).

I must admit that this was a different type of article than I’ve written before (I mean - I got kicked out of a cafe because of my behavior and then I actually told you about it!). But I thought that many of you would relate to this story, and as it turns out, many of you did. There are 30 comments to this blog post at the time of this article.

… And these aren’t just any comments.

Many people really opened up and shared from the heart.

I wanted to write some more about this topic for many reasons. Most importantly - I want to honor and respect all of you who contributed to the information on this blog. Your comments helped many others… and they also helped me.

I am going to cover two main points here:

1. More thoughts on judgment in ADD & ADHD
2. Some thoughts that your comments have given me… and I value these tremendously.

Judgment in ADD ADHD

Let’s begin by defining the term. (Maybe this goes back to my good high school English teachers - I like to define terms…)

“Judgment: The act or process of judging; the formation of an opinion after consideration or deliberation.” The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Retrieved February 25, 2008, from Dictionary.com website.

As many wise people commented on my last article - we all love to judge, but hate to be judged. Kim shared this quite well in this comment here.

In Mark’s insightful comment, he explained a couple of critical points. He explained that we need to focus on understanding… and that when judging, it’s best to get as much information as possible.

We all judge things on a daily basis. Most of the time, these are quick, snap judgments, with little conscious thought. Ideally, we seek enough understanding about the issue to make an accurate judgment - as the definition explains: “the formation of an opinion after consideration or deliberation”.

Several other blog comments merit highlighting (and I won’t highlight them all… although I appreciate them all):

• Jan B wrote a comment - about how no one seems to judge her, but she judges herself as a bad parent of her ADHD child. Jan, I appreciate your honesty and your willingness to share your difficulties and pain with me and all of the readers of this blog. My heart goes out to you - and I hope that you can find solutions and peace for what you are going through. As Jeanette commented, she doubts you are a failure as a parent. I doubt it as well. As readers of this blog know - it can be very challenging to raise an ADHD child - and deal with all of the stigma, ignorance and hurdles out there. Continue to provide support to your child, and I hope that things will improve for both of you.
• Annie shared that she shed tears reading all of the comments about how hard it is for people who are judged harshly, as she can relate and has dealt with some very difficult circumstances.
• Eileen shared that she was judged as an inadequate mother by her doctor! My word! I thought they taught us in medical school to respect and support our patients…
• Gail shares how hard it is for the kids with ADD/ADHD who are regularly judged and can’t fall back on the ‘do you know who you are talking to?’ that I was able to use, as a doctor in the community. This one really got me thinking…

There are many more comments worth mentioning… But I don’t want to reproduce all of the comments here…

What are my biggest takeaways and insights from this?

1. I get a ton of insight from your comments - thanks a lot for sharing! (and keep them coming
2. Judgment with ADD/ADHD is pervasive. And mostly it comes with little understanding, little empathy, and little desire to support and help.
3. Often judgment comes from places where I would argue that it shouldn’t: A Doctor, a spouse, a teacher, etc.
4. Judgment affects all involved in ADD/ADHD: Mothers (judged by strangers, spouses, doctors, extended family), the child with ADD, and adults with ADD/ADHD.
5. When I was judged negatively, I was able to ’shake it off’. Although I was upset, I know that I am not a rude, mean and inconsiderate man. I also know that I am a medical professional and expert, and I am respected by many in my community. This is a luxury that I have due to my age and experience. So, this experience did not affect my self esteem. HOWEVER, if I were 6 years old, or even 16 years old with ADHD - this would have hurt, and it likely would have had an impact on my self esteem. This impact can start to create a ‘negative spiral’ - i.e. incidents which build up to prove to me that I mess up in life and that I am not worth much…
6. Judgment has a big impact on teens and adults with ADD/ADHD as well.

There is still likely a lot more that I can learn from this post - and I credit you - my readers for sharing such insights that have helped a lot.

This ties into my final conclusion:

How do we improve judgment in ADD and ADHD?

It starts exactly like this - people sharing with one another - to support one another, to education one another, and to create a community. We can then educate more people out there and begin to destigmatize this disorder.

Let’s agree that people should judge ADHD as much as they judge cancer - i.e. it is a medical condition which doesn’t merit judgment.

What can you do right now?

Share this post with others who know about ADHD, and even more importantly, share it with people who need to know more about ADHD.

Do YOU agree?

Please share your comment on this post. You know I’ll read it, and so will many other people.

Thanks for reading and contributing.

Dr. Kenny

p.s. To help to learn more about ADD and ADHD, you can get your hands on my comprehensive program with Dr. Russell Barkley at Secrets to ADHD Success. For the adults, our program, Secrets to Adult ADHD Success is in prelaunch - but you can sign up for a priority notification list here.

So what is the issue about judgment and ADD ADHD?

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Last Sunday, I had quite an unusual experience. It taught me a very important lesson… and I’d like to share it with you.

My wife, daughter and I were planning to go to a pottery painting place not far from home. Now, I had some work which just had to get done, so we agreed that I would drive my wife and daughter to the shop where they could paint pottery, and I would take my laptop and go to a café just next door.

This happened to be a very cold Canadian Sunday… It was less than -20 degrees. Being Sunday afternoon, I was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a hoodie (under my warm winter jacket).
I dropped my wife and daughter off, and walked next door to the café. It wasn’t a Starbucks, but rather a nice little French shop. It had very fancy pastries – but since I’ve been watching my waistline, I just ordered a coffee. I saw an electrical outlet, and I sat near it – plugging in my laptop so that my battery wouldn’t run out. I used my ‘air card’ so that I could connect to the internet.

This café was really warm… and humid. So, as I was wrapped up in my work, I took off my sweatshirt.

About 40 minutes after being there (as the only customer in the café), several people came in and were talking. After about 5 minutes, some were leaving, and a woman stood with the door open to say goodbye.

Now, remember how cold it was?

Remember I was just in my t-shirt?

After about 90 seconds, I politely asked the woman if she could close the door, as it was getting cold in the café.

She said: “I’m just saying goodbye to my family.”

I replied: “Can’t you say good bye with the door closed?” At this point I was getting cold, and frustrated. I did raise my voice somewhat to be sure she could hear me.
She stayed with the door open, talking for 2 more minutes.

I put my sweatshirt back on, and didn’t say anything else.

I want to share one thing here. I didn’t mean to yell or berate this woman (And I don’t believe that I did). But I do know that I spoke louder, and my wife tells me that sometimes I sound a lot ‘gruffer’ than I intend to when I raise my voice.

Back to the café.

It’s now been just over an hour, and although I’m really wrapped up in my work, I realize that I am getting really hungry, and I should get up and pick up some food.
But then ‘he’ entered.

A man came from the back of the café, and started to talk to me.

He was angry that I had plugged in my laptop without asking for permission. He started talking about the fact that this was not an internet café, and couldn’t I go around the corner where there was an internet café?

I apologized, and I was a little taken aback. I was pretty surprised that he was so angry about me plugging in my laptop. Once I heard more of what he was saying (and got over the surprise), I acknowledged that I hadn’t asked – and I was sorry. (And I wondered – in the 21st century, aren’t all cafés used to laptops?) I immediately unplugged my computer.
As soon as I had apologized (twice by now), he moved onto topic #2. He didn’t accept my apology – he just got angrier.

He asked me how I could yell at the woman who owns the café when she was just talking to her family?

I explained that it was the coldest day of the winter, and I was politely asking her to close the door – because she had it open for several minutes and I was getting cold.

(He briefly acknowledged that she could be chatty… but that didn’t stop his anger at me).

He said I yelled at her, and how could I be so rude?

I explained I was trying to make sure she heard me, because the door was open for so long. And I didn’t intend to yell.

After some back and forth, I retreated. I didn’t want to be arguing with this man, and I really didn’t mean to insult his wife – the co-owner of the café.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend her”.

Again, he didn’t acknowledge my apology, or accept it. He just went back to the laptop issue.

When I responded to the laptop issue, he went back to me being rude to his wife. We were going in circles, and I was getting tired of it. I didn’t think I was so rude to begin with, and I certainly didn’t feel like arguing with this man over these issues.

And then it all changed with his next question.

“What, were you just out on the streets?”

“Pardon me?” I asked, with obvious surprise on my face.

“What, were you just passing through Oakville?”

I was shocked. He was looking at me as a vagabond. A transient. A vagrant. A drifter…

I just listened with an obvious look of surprise on my face.

I started playing this through in my mind. To him, I’m just a young guy in jeans and a t-shirt. I ordered 1 coffee and sat there for an hour, and I insulted him by plugging in my computer and yelling at his wife.

“No, I wasn’t just passing through Oakville. I live here, and own a home here.”

He then said something else – which frankly I don’t remember because I was so surprised by his questions and insinuation.

Now, I’m not one to use the fact that I am a doctor to get things in life. But if there was ever a time to share my profession, now seemed like a good one.
“I’m not just a guy from the street – I’m a physician and I work at the hospital in town.”

He now started to back track a little. He clarified – “here in Oakville?”

“Yes, I said, here in Oakville”.

He then went on to say something about how they get lots of doctors and other professionals in their café, and I still shouldn’t have used my computer or yelled at his wife.
After multiple apologies from me – and his accusations of me being a bum, rude, etc. I started packing my bag and told him I’d pay him for the electricity that I used because he was so offended that I used his plug.

He walked away, and I went to the cash to pay. I paid for my coffee, and left $5 for the electricity. I must admit that I was surprised that they actually accepted $5 for what was probably 25 cents of electricity.

Why did I even leave money for this?

I decided on the spot that after being judged so negatively, it was better to just ‘take the high road’, and leave with my dignity. I didn’t think that I was nearly as rude and inconsiderate as this gentleman perceived me to be, and arguing and fighting with him would just worsen his perspective of me.
(It was interesting that his wife apologized to me as I was paying…)

I left the café, surprised that I was essentially kicked out. I was angry and upset that I was judged so negatively – particularly that the owner assumed I was a ‘street bum’.

I left there thinking: ‘It feels AWFUL to be judged’.

And then it dawned on me.

This is what happens to parents of ADHD kids all the time!

Their child misbehaves, and people around look at them with judgment in their eyes.
Harshly criticizing them for their child’s misbehavior.
It doesn’t matter how dedicated these parents are, or how much effort they put into treatment of their child’s very real disorder. These people judge and criticize harshly, and wrongly.

Now, I’ve had many discussions with parents about how when other people judge them as bad parents, that it is just ignorance, and they should ignore it. Most parents appreciate that I acknowledge this issue.

What I didn’t realize was how awful it can feel to be judged so harshly – especially for an unjustified reason.

So, although it was an experience that I wish hadn’t happened, I believe that it has given me valuable experience, which will help me to relate to you – a parent of a child or teen with ADHD or ADD. I understand it much better now, and I’ll do a better job discussing this issue with you – on my blog, in my newsletter, and for my patients in my office – we’ll have better discussions about it as well.

And I will be much more direct and challenging with ‘the offenders’ if I ever see someone doing such harsh judging (though I’ll watch to not raise my voice too much – or I may sound too gruff!)

All the best,
Dr. Kenny

P.S. if you are a parent of a child with ADD or ADHD, and you want to decrease the number of times that you have embarasing and difficult times, then learn more about strategies that work. Visit this blog often (and sign up in the box on the right), and you can learn from my comprehensive program with Dr. Russell Barkley – Secrets to ADHD Success.

P.P.S. Please feel free to comment at the bottom of this post and share your experiences with this issue - this blog has led to a lot of useful discussion between people interested in learning about ADD/ADHD

P.P.S. Why don’t I name the cafe, and tell all of you not to go there? Well, I acknowledge that there are always two sides to every story, and I don’t want to be vindictive (even though I was really ticked off at the time!)

Technorati Tags: ADD, ADHD, Parenting

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