Comments on: ADHD and Divorce

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 02:44:00 +0000

2 years too late but Aurthur, ADD/ADHD-PI (inattentive) is not a trait, it’s an identifiable condition that not only shows up on fMRI and PET scans but also in many cases can be seen as a deformity on a CT. It directly effects executive function and dopamine responses and that’s what the meds do, attempt to regulate the dopamine response. It’s genetic and runs in families to varying degrees as a result. ADHD (hyperactive) is a similar issue but is not genetic and doesn’t have a deformity associated. It’s believed to be environmental; lead is the suspected culprit. While it’s not always correctly diagnosed, when it is and the person gets the right meds, the change in behaviour can be seen within hours and it can be life changing. If you give one of these drugs to someone without the condition, well it’s a stimulant so it does what a stimulant would do to a healthy brain. The person gets excited, agitated, etc. In someone with ADHD the effect is the opposite – it calms them if they’re hypreactive and helps them focus if they’re inattentive. If you ever read this, ask yourself why is that if it’s just a personality trait?

By: Ro

Ro — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 17:41:01 +0000

I would DEFINITELY tell the person you are dating (and possibly plan to marry) about what you deal with regarding your ADD. I am now married to a man who has severe ADD. We didn’t live together before marriage (we are Christians and believe in purity before marriage) and therefore, I didn’t get to see all that I see now. He hyperfocused on me when we were dating and I thought this kind, considerate, energized, ambitious man was the man I was going to be married to. 2 weeks into our marriage he “changed” completely. He became depressed, moody, mean and discarded my opions and interests as if I were a stranger. Now, I am fighting to find ways (including medication and therapy) to help my husband and our marriage. Truth be known if I would have known ALL of what I would be getting myself into, I never would have married this man. Although he has a good heart, he should have been a person who remained single since too much stress and responsibility brings out the worst in him.

He makes a great dad (we have 1 baby boy) but not a good partner and husband.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 23:45:03 +0000

Hi Madeleine. Your question almost feels like “when do I tell the guy I’m dating that I have kids” issue. There are many great qualities about your kid, but you know it adds extra stress to the relationship because your kid stresses you many days!!!!

I’m open about it in many situations because it helps people reframe my scattered days or other ADD behavior, as mine is considered significant. However, it depends on the person and with what you feel most comfortable.

I’m single and I would tell a guy I’m dating about it. It’s a less stigmatized disorder than other mental health issues I could discuss, like my depression/anxiety. I believe it will give me more information on the guy if he can’t see ADD as a legitimate problem or doesn’t want to understand it.

By: Madeleine

Madeleine — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:24:58 +0000

Yes, Sandy, I too, enjoy real-life experiences like Nancy’s as they give me a feel that this is real! this is life–not a dream and people live with it and succeed and success is real.

I have been wrestling with the idea that I have ADD. I checked many websites, read articles and watched videos about it. I am more conscious of my limitations and am frankly telling myfriends about them (with no reference to ADD as I haven’t seen any professional, yet) and this makes them at least stop criticising me.

One of major worries is marriage. I am still single and I was wondering if a diagnosis of ADD is confirmed for me, will I have to tell me my hurband-to-be about it? Should I expect him to understand? I sometimes think he will leave me for good! This makes Arthur’s point about accepting people for who they are resonate in my mind.

relationships are complicated and mental complications make them even harder!

Madeleine

By: Sandy

Sandy — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 18:23:41 +0000

Thank you, Nancy. I enjoy those real life stories like yours. It *is* a tough disorder.

By: Arthur

Arthur — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 01:07:11 +0000

Some wonder if ADD is truly a personality trait or a condition. I am one that beleives it is a personality trait because not everyone is wired the same way. So if this is the case, why are we putting people on medication for it? In a lot of these cases kids are put on these medications, then they require another medication to stem off the reactions. It gets to the point where they want to beat people up if they go without medication for a day or two. Why is it that people cannot accept people for who they are and learn to deal with it. Some also blame this ADD on municipalities putting flouride in the water. Others say its the crap they put in our food these days. I am also one that feels that the pharmaceuticals are far worse than street drugs. But then again that is just me.

By: Allan

Allan — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 04:58:17 +0000

Hi,
i would like to share an article by George Lynn . He is an author of many books and is very perseptive on what is going on inside a person’s brain.

Scroll down to an article on the challlenges of ADD on relationships , marrige etc
http://childspirit.com/onlinearts.htm
Allan

By: nancy

nancy — Thu, 08 Mar 2007 17:30:11 +0000

Having lived with an ADD husband now for almost 14 years, I heartily agree that it can be challenging! The best advice is: educate yourself and then: educate others. We went through numerous marriage counselors; the last basically gave up on us! Our ADD problem was yet undiagnosed. I can’t even begin to explain what a difference there has been since I heard about Adult ADD on a radio talk show. Although he resisted (strongly!!!) diagnosis at first, my husband is now one of those with Adult ADD’s strongest advocates. He is on a medication that works well for him, but probably even more importantly, recognises his own symptoms. He can better control impulse anger, etc., or, when he does get out of hand, he apologises.

I had been becoming more and more co-dependent trying to keep him organized and on time and trying to keep me out of his way when nothing worked. Now I know this is part of him, and I have to leave his stuff, his calendar, and his life pretty much to him. This allows him to take control and also, to take responsibilty. This doesn’t mean I don’t tell him when he’s looking for his keys that I saw them on the freezer or washing machine, or front step….. but I don’t pick them up and hang them on the hook anymore and he doesn’t yell at me anymore for moving his stuff!

You and your column and books are a big part of our improvement. Thanks for all you do!