Comments on: ADHD and the Christmas Holidays http://www.addadhdblog.com/adhd-and-the-christmas-holidays/ A blog about Attention Deficit Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Wed, 08 Feb 2012 05:39:26 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Allan http://www.addadhdblog.com/adhd-and-the-christmas-holidays/comment-page-1/#comment-12225 Allan Tue, 26 Dec 2006 10:30:46 +0000 http://addadhdblog.com/adhd-and-the-christmas-holidays/#comment-12225 Hi, Thanks for the opportunity to listen to your talk. I was onced started talking to a teacher about consequences when we stopped me in my tracks and asked - what about chinuch= education ? I welcomed your section on being proactive , anticipating problems, planning , creating a user friendly environment , creative ideas of for eg opening presents but it was all very top-down , the kids were not invited to participate in decision making , problem solving, role play and going through a scenario and coming to mutually satisfying solutions, letting kids think and reflect and coming up with a plan or how thing s could be better. Helping kids take perspectives , think in the plural , as a family , than operate in what's in it for me mode - what will I get or what will be done to me. The introduction described ADHD kids as having quite a lot of cognitive skills deficits. The talk concentrated on creating the right environment , meds and consequences . Thomas Gordon - PET, has said that if you use power to get what you want , you have lost a learning opportunity. You spoke of bonding , connecting - IMHO it means connecting to the kid , giving him a voice , understanding who he is , how he feels. Parents may have a lot of fun with parents , there may be plenty of warmth, praise but if there is no real dialog , there is no connection. A relationship is one where you can talk things through. Eli Newberger says ' The method of withdrawing privileges is essentially negative: I can't communicate with you, and so I'll hurt you if you don't mind me. The positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future.' The traffic policeman example - what happens after you get the fine - most people curse -under their breathe - the cop or go ' laughing off to the ban'. What punishments do , consequences is just a nicer word, is just reinforce the feeling that the care giver/ policeman is unfair and there is no real commitment to values of a caring (driving )community. The parent may have succeeded in imposing the consequence and may have won the battle , but really has lost the war . We have had this discussion on rewards and punishments before , my question is really whether your approach precludes kid's participating in decisions , giving them a voice , working with etc. ? Allan Hi,
Thanks for the opportunity to listen to your talk.

I was onced started talking to a teacher about consequences when we stopped me in my tracks and asked – what about chinuch= education ?

I welcomed your section on being proactive , anticipating problems, planning , creating a user friendly environment , creative ideas of for eg opening presents but it was all very top-down , the kids were not invited to participate in decision making , problem solving, role play and going through a scenario and coming to mutually satisfying solutions, letting kids think and reflect and coming up with a plan or how thing s could be better. Helping kids take perspectives , think in the plural , as a family , than operate in what’s in it for me mode – what will I get or what will be done to me. The introduction described ADHD kids as having quite a lot of cognitive skills deficits. The talk concentrated on creating the right environment , meds and consequences . Thomas Gordon – PET, has said that if you use power to get what you want , you have lost a learning opportunity. You spoke of bonding , connecting – IMHO it means connecting to the kid , giving him a voice , understanding who he is , how he feels. Parents may have a lot of fun with parents , there may be plenty of warmth, praise but if there is no real dialog , there is no connection. A relationship is one where you can talk things through. Eli Newberger
says ‘ The method of withdrawing privileges is essentially negative: I can’t communicate with you, and so I’ll hurt you if you don’t mind me. The positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future.’

The traffic policeman example – what happens after you get the fine – most people curse -under their breathe – the cop or go ‘ laughing off to the ban’. What punishments do , consequences is just a nicer word, is just reinforce the feeling that the care giver/ policeman is unfair and there is no real commitment to values of a caring (driving )community. The parent may have succeeded in imposing the consequence and may have won the battle , but really has lost the war .
We have had this discussion on rewards and punishments before , my question is really whether your approach precludes kid’s participating in decisions , giving them a voice , working with etc. ?

Allan

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