I will get there. I will succeed, and I will appreciate the taste of success all that much more because of the swim upstream. You will to! Keep telling yourself. There is old philosophies and new science that suggests we are more in control of our minds, thoughts, and destiny, then we ever imagined before.

I have my good days, when I feel driven, motivated and brilliant with new potential and ability. And then there are the other days, the ones that I have allowed to manifest more often than I should, the days that I live in a fog, resulting in beating myself up with shame and fear of failure.

There is a reason for my different way of seeing things, perhaps although painful, it is a gift. My job is to remind myself of this theory and to continue my search and learning so that I may discover that perfect fit!

I wish us all everlasting light and hope, I wish us all focussed, deliberate action. I wish us all success in any or all capacities. God Bless All!

Right Brain: Feeling, Imaginitive
Left Brain: Logic, Organized

Your life sounds identical to mine. You sound like someone who is “Gifted” and should be in an environment that allows you to celebrate your superior abilities rather than focus on the areas you can’t seen to get right. I LOVE the topics of anything to do with the human mind, what they might call quantum physics (the laws of attraction) the theory of human nature and potential etc etc etc. And so on. I could hide and learn and listen about that kind of stuff fo the rest of my life and I would if I had a wind fall of money and didn’t have to live up to what man man society expects of me to survice and be a contributoir to “normal” society. Now I hope I don’t sound like a granola of a flake cause I am actually quite down to earth too – I not what others might be picturing from this writing of mine. My outward appearance helps me come across as that Canadian girl next door with a little old fashioned values (which I am proud to have) and a goofy sense of humor. Inside my mind is a churning brew of philosophical thinking and questioning that cannot be quenched and it pains me to deal with my hungry brain that is CONSTANTLY analysing questioning theorizing so much that it often takes me hours to fall asleep and longer to wake up cause I have to exaust myself completely inorder to rest.

With all this brain activity I would think I would be “genius” or atleast proud to be considered “brilliant” or atleas a “high achiever”. Sadly I am not. I am a perfectionist in areas that use my strenghts and involve my interests – people, customer service, conflict management, grief, trouble shooting with anything to do with people and marketing. This is how I keep my job so far as a business manger. I suck however at the other qualities that are and will endlessly be required from me: Organization, Prioritization, Time management, and Linear thinking (measuring ROI, Balancing Expenses/vs./ Revenue) as I am a “Gut” thinker and I repspond to “Gut” impulses. I have an idea and a vision I then wish to act on it and find that I cant explain the formula as is required from me as a business person.

Charity, in a nut shell I think we are the modern day world’s “Davincis” and “Plato’s” the “Edisons” the “Bells” the “Henry Fords” The Jungs” the “Van Gohs”.

Many great artists were considered to be “Mad” obsessed individuals who didn’t fit the norm – they weren’t the Smiths, the bakers the bankers the kings courtsmen…. they stuck out or should I say stayed in, like a sore thumb. Some would paint feverishly without food or rest for hours and days on end. Some would sever an ear to make point, some would spend hours on end thinking of crazy contraptions that are now manifested as helicopters and what was once deemed craziness and impossible are now very possible and even taken for granted.

Many of our legends never lived to celebrate their success and brilliance. Many lived and died alone, lost and treated as outcasts as social retards.

Many were never even discovered.

I feel honored and fearrful at the same time to even consider myself as having anything in common with the above gems.

I once read an article that stated that our modern civilization and perhaps it has ALWAYs been this way. Values Left Brain thinkers _ the accountants the organizers the lawyers the Western Doctors the Planners the time keepers the practical and the predicatble. They teach those things in school and funny enough the ones who seem to excel in school the fasted are more often than not born Left brainers like those above.

Civilization frown upon the Artists, the Philosophers, the Theologeons, the musicians the romantics the eccentric or and perhaps label us as “deficiant” “learning disables” because we don’t learn or process information the linear way the Left brainers do. We are the Grey area thinkers. Somewhere between Black and White we exist. We read between the lines, have no concept of time cause time actually doesn’t exist. We live on energy and act on energy and see in energy and hear in energy. We see the details and paint the details and sing the details and feel the details. Some of us are like me (People readers – I have been told that I can read people exceptionally well – I seem to know what hides behind the walls) perhaps cause I see the tiny details in physical expression and voice pitch. Others process music like math, others can paint the infinite details they see in the wing of a bug, the veins of a leaf. Others can see and invent possibility where others saw nothing before.

Problem lies in the Black and White. Until we can turn our dis – abilities into tangible goods that improve life for Left Brainers, we often live a life of failed expectations, low self confidence, tragic love and seclusion.

I wish I were Left Brain. I wish I was Black and White. I wish I was the Organizer, The Planner, the one whos on time, the one who makes it all look easy, like second nature. I wish I could be my friend who makes more than 200,000 a year doing what she loves – she manages wealth and is trusted with others success cause she is a planner, an organized thinker by nature. Shortly after meeting her I asked her about her mind – I really don’t know how to make normalk conversation thus I am known to cut to the chase and ask the deep stuff when I meet people”. She told me she was a planner and an organizer since she could remember. She planned her future to a T as a child. She is beautiful and radiant she is Happiness!

She has life by the Balls!

I guess all I want from Ritalin and Doctor;s is what they have been gifted with since birth perhaps. I want to switch sides in my brain. Hey Doc! What do you have that can do that. Keep me on the top of the list when theres a Left Brain thinkers brain on the donor market. Anyone want to borrow the brain of a persistant day dreamer? Life is constantly intersting and you can stare at the details in a blade of grass and see things in a persons face that you perhaps have never has the eyes to see before – but God help you keep a job or a freindship or a God forbidden day planner.

Enough Said,

Summer