Comments on: Could You Use A Hug? http://www.addadhdblog.com/could-you-use-a-hug/ A blog about Attention Deficit Disorder, and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:12:02 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Dr. Kenny Handelman http://www.addadhdblog.com/could-you-use-a-hug/comment-page-1/#comment-1265 Dr. Kenny Handelman Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:20:03 +0000 http://addadhdblog.com/could-you-use-a-hug/#comment-1265 Hi Allan, Thank you for your insightful comments about connecting with children. I completely agree with you. Of course it goes far beyond 'hugs'. Sometimes in my office I see so many parents who are dealing with frustrating issues with their child, that they may need a reminder to stop and appreciate their child. I thought that a short video like this may create a moment to pause and reflect, and have parents remember to love and appreciate their kids even in light of frustration. The same point applies to spouses/loved ones of adults with ADD/ADHD. Hi Allan,

Thank you for your insightful comments about connecting with children.

I completely agree with you.

Of course it goes far beyond ‘hugs’.

Sometimes in my office I see so many parents who are dealing with frustrating issues with their child, that they may need a reminder to stop and appreciate their child.

I thought that a short video like this may create a moment to pause and reflect, and have parents remember to love and appreciate their kids even in light of frustration.

The same point applies to spouses/loved ones of adults with ADD/ADHD.

]]> By: Allan http://www.addadhdblog.com/could-you-use-a-hug/comment-page-1/#comment-1264 Allan Tue, 14 Nov 2006 21:01:42 +0000 http://addadhdblog.com/could-you-use-a-hug/#comment-1264 Hi, A lot of authors talk about warmth and love etc , there is love and logic, tough love etc but really we should be asking ourselves how do our kids perceive us. A kid said that he likes it when his mom says -she loves him , to which the mom asked her dear daughter if she liked it when her father said he loved her - she said no , the expression of love was usually followed by some form of punishment. Another kid complained - my father loves a boy in this home , he will do anything for him , but this boy is a ' virtual kid ' , not me . My father does not know who I am , how i think , what is important for me , we spend a lot of time , one to one , playing , watching a football game , but we never connect or bond , there is always some activity that keeps us apart even when we are together. He does not know or understand me. If I did something bad , i would never tell him , he would come down on me so hard , I would'nt trust him to help me through this. How many kids feel safe to come to their parents to confide in them about something bad they have done. They see their parents as ' I can't communicate with you, and so I'll hurt you if you don't mind me and not the positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future. While hugs etc are important , without dialog and communication, bonding and connecting , feeling understood , the love is not very meaningful to the child. We can love our kids like we love our dogs , hugs , praise , positive reinforcements or we can have a special relationship with them based on trust, respect , support and love Allan Hi,
A lot of authors talk about warmth and love etc , there is love and logic, tough love etc but really we should be asking ourselves how do our kids perceive us. A kid said that he likes it when his mom says -she loves him , to which the mom asked her dear daughter if she liked it when her father said he loved her – she said no , the expression of love was usually followed by some form of punishment. Another kid complained – my father loves a boy in this home , he will do anything for him , but this boy is a ‘ virtual kid ‘ , not me . My father does not know who I am , how i think , what is important for me , we spend a lot of time , one to one , playing , watching a football game , but we never connect or bond , there is always some activity that keeps us apart even when we are together. He does not know or understand me. If I did something bad , i would never tell him , he would come down on me so hard , I would’nt trust him to help me through this. How many kids feel safe to come to their parents to confide in them about something bad they have done. They see their parents as ‘ I can’t communicate with you, and so I’ll hurt you if you don’t mind me and not the positive counterpoint is: We all make mistakes, and you can trust me to help you do better in the future. While hugs etc are important , without dialog and communication, bonding and connecting , feeling understood , the love is not very meaningful to the child. We can love our kids like we love our dogs , hugs , praise , positive reinforcements or we can have a special relationship with them based on trust, respect , support and love
Allan

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