Women With ADD Are More Impaired
ByAlthough it is accepted that fewer girls are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD than boys (in childhood) – the number is almost equal in adults. New research has demonstrated that women are in fact more impaired with their ADD than the men.
This study documented that women were more likely to have combined ADHD (i.e. inattention and hyperactivity), they were more likely to have emotional symptoms (depression and anxiety) with their ADD, and more sleep problems.
This research is very important – as women may need more support for their ADD than previously recognized.
An expert in this field is Sari Solden. She has written the respected book Women With Attention Deficit Disorder
Dr. Kenny
p.s. If you have particular issues which are specific to women with ADD, please share them below.
Sari Solden figured out a long time ago that women experience ADD differently than men. Her book is my bible. Reading it was a truly joyous experience in self recognition.
As a woman with ADD I have been marching to a different drummer my whole life. As a teacher, I saw female students continuously struggle because they had ADD in way that no one recognized. They weren’t behaving like the boys with ADD. I’ve been told that the average age of diagnosis for women with ADD is 38. That’s a long time to be misunderstood.
I left teaching to devote my life to women with ADD. After years of training I now wince at words like “impaired”. Considering the obstacles that women with ADD have had to overcome, often without any support, the women I work with are really quite admirable. So much so that I chose that name, with an ADD twist, for my website, http://www.addmirablewoman.com. I’ve found that ordinary women with ADD are in fact quite extraordinary in the creative compensations they have had to develop to fit their star shape into the square hole of life around them.
I hope there is also a study brewing out there that shows just how resourceful and remarkable the ADD woman really is.
Candace, I am writing this before I check out your website. I have struggled with that different drummer all my life and finally, at 54, have been diagnosed with ADHD largely as a result of my son being diagnosed. Sari Solden’s book is always at my bedside. I found the diagnosis very liberating as it made sense of why I always struggle with certain elements of my life, even though I am a very bright and successful woman. My biggest challenge now is finding a support group to talk about those struggles, share different coping mechanisms, etc.
I am also very interested in getting training as an ADHD counsellor.
Any thought or suggestions?
Joanne
Joanne, congratulations on your diagnosis. I can hear the excitement in your voice, and rightly so. I agree that a diagnosis can be very liberating, often unleashing even greater potential in bright successful women such as yourself. My diagnosis also followed my son’s, a common scenario given the hereditary component of ADHD.
I wish I could recommend a support group but I am not aware of any running at the moment. It has been on my mind to start one, as I know women often feel isolated in their struggle to understand and manage how ADD is turning up in their life.
I applaud your interest in being trained as an ADHD counsellor. Unfortunately, I also know of no counsellor training programs specific to ADHD. There are however a few ADD coach training programs out there. One that I can highly recommend is ADDCA, ADD Coach Academy. They offer an intensive and outstanding program.
Enjoy your diagnosis – life should get pretty exciting from here on in.
Hello lady’s, my stepson was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD at age 4, and untill this last couple of years i never realized that my wife had it, i just thought she was the way she was because of her childhood. But as my stepson gets older i see the same stuff going on with him that my wife has been doing since i met her at age 15. She has not been diagnosed by a doctor but the level of my stepsons symptoms at age 12 are so far reaching that it can not just be his fathers DNA who also has ADD/ADHD alone. And we now have 2 boy’s that are mine and hers, age 5 and 8 and the 5 year old is showing some ADD/ADHD traits and i’m not sure i can handle 3 people with this problem. It has caused so much problems in my life and talking to my wife about it is like talking to a wall, i don’t know who to talk to about it and it has been eating away at are relationship since my stepson was 7, and now my wife and i are on the verge of ending are marriage after 7 years of marriage and being together since 1994 at age 15 and 17. Please excuse me for ranting….. I just am dealing with allot right now.
I am sorry i forgot to ask, how do i get my wife some help, and in turn help myself, and are relationship. THANKS
Hi Jimi
Because of my son’s ADHD, I suddenly understood that my wife has ADHD (undiagnosed) and her father as well. When I know where to look, I am surprised how many people around have ADHD. 100 years ago they were just strange and uneasy.
With my wife, we learned how to cooperate and each one do his/her part, this is not perfectly works, but we have no unrealistic requirements to each other.
Here is some guy’s post about living with ADHD partner, read my (Arieh’s) comments below the article as well:
http://adderworld.com/blog1/2008/01/01/living-with-an-add-adhd-partner/
Arieh
CrawlingClub.org
Jimi, Wow! it really sounds like life has sent you challenges with both barrells. From my perspective, with a husband who doesn’t really “get it”, its important you realize that nobody manages their ADD lives the way they do out of choice — that is the way our brains are wired. It is not something we have a great deal of control over. The trick is to come to understand what is means, how ADD can affect our lives, and then come up with ways to live our lives more effectively. But some days that is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE.
I was just diagnosed last year and getting that diagnosis was very liberating. Made sense of the struggles I have and explained many of my behaviours.
Just a suggestion, but approach your wife from a ‘supportive’ position, not one of blame. Get a copy of Sari Solden’s book, or “I’m Not Lazy, Crazy or Stupide” (these are my 2 favorites) and start reading it to her. Share the learning process together. Talk about it together. As always good communication is the key to a successful relationship. And let her know she’s not alone. And ADD isn’t all bad — it can actually allows for a lot of creativity and thinking outside the box that non-ADDers may not be able to manage.
Have her post a note here. Good luck to both of you.
Ya joanne thanks for the comments but i don’t think i can deal with it anymore she took my kids because she did something out of line. But because she’s a women i get looked at like i did something wrong. Good luck to you and whoever shares your life. I’v been dealing with this for 13 years, andI i’m only 31. I belive you can stick a fork in me. Good luck to all you who have the skills to cope with ADD’ers. I have don it for going on 14 years and it don’t get better.
Hello folks, ditto. Found Sari’s book at a charity book sale over a year and a half ago, thinking looks like she knows what she’s on about. Then promptly shelved it on discovering she promoted drugs. When I decided at the beginning of last year to focus on various aspects of my healing – also in order to be a better parent – I returned to be hit with perhaps the most profound self discovery of my life.
Couldn’t fail to take note when she was talking about ME, amongst her generalisations (and you’ll know where I’ve poorly paraphrased). From the organised, efficient mother to the structure of Catholic boarding school. (Which explains why I seem worse with age, further from these conforming moulds.) How Sari challenges the stereotypical ‘drug seeker’ with someone reticent; more likely to be backward about coming forward on this issue etc. Post jubilant discovery came deep, deep sobs over how dearly I’ve paid since the innocence of childhood. (Intertwined with a messed up, broken family who designated me scapegoat.) Got to the point that my compounding grief upon discovery of this major identity factor was so overwhelmingly painful that I had to put the book – and yes, I concur it’s my bible on this overriding life aspect – down.
Feedback I get is that I’m supposed to be eloquent, yet reading and putting down words are a struggle, which I mention because I’ve still not digested the whole book. This was at a time as a very mature age student, I realised that if I didn’t get diagnosis and therefore on the road to better management, that I’d be set up for failure at uni. As it was, it took me about seven doctors (amidst derision [the 'you're looking for speed' assumptions], disbelief etc) and late in the year before I finally found someone who was au fait with not only the multi-modal approach, but recognised it chronically….in God forbid: a grown woman!
Don’t know what it’s like elsewhere, but Australia, led by media sensationalism (young boys climbing walls) is stuck back in a generalised denial that ADHD exists at all. Well meaning, intelligent souls have all sorts of plausible sounding explanations that amount to precious little when it comes to functioning as they covertly assume you ought to. Garden variety doctors, ‘professionals’ in the psych field and the legal fraternity reflect this ambivalence/ignorance. Unless of course, you are/are related to or in close contact with/have an open mind & are ‘with it’. Dr Kenny is so right about the lack of education and therefore understanding down under.
Seeing as we’re true believers here, just wanted to say to Jimi that I acknowledge your suffering – in case you do come back to look. Sorry regarding the disintegration of your family — which is a huge societal issue in itself. My five year old’s father is a full blown ADHD (residual – do they still use that word now they’ve realised that most don’t grow out of it?) We suffered most forms of abuse from him and have been in hiding for two and half years. Frankly at the time, I became ‘normal’ in a hyper vigilant flash, magnifying my own struggles in turn dwarfed by thwarting the constant drain. Point is for me, it’d be too simplistic to reduce his faults (10x worse than mine with much more thrown in) and incorrigible cruelty, as something that could be laid at the doorstep of ADHD. Perhaps it’s easier to make the label wrong. Better than making the person wrong. (My non ADHD children and I have been severely discriminated against, even traumatised, mercilessly over what most – ‘family’, ‘community’, society – refuse to fathom, ‘backed’ by a rule-the-day mean spiritedness.)
Surely you appreciate the dynamics are much more: your wife did not operate in a vacuum. Another words, even if we see ourselves as more together, we must if we wish to learn and grow, recognise our own shortcomings and that there are key levels of correlation to the pairing we get/find ourselves in. Or, we intuitively seek out someone with issues to match ours! Certainly lessons from all adversity. See Harville Hendrix’s ‘Getting the Love You Want’, imago theory. Doesn’t matter if the title seems the last thing on your mind, it explains why ‘n’ what individuals unknowingly seek in a mate.
The things I share have been culled over years, taking some at first as downright affronting, so understand that I don’t mean to offend. Was it easier for you to accommodate her when it just seemed about her background? Only trying to provoke thought – not for a moment am I making you wrong. Of course it’s more than daunting, especially lacking support. Whether we are a struggling single mother, a single man, in a loveless marriage, a challenged parent or anybody with any number of not so apparent handicaps: we can all feel unsupported. In spite of the importance of ‘naming to claim’ these issues, the real danger is a combination of not adequately tackling (or in less adversarial lingo, channeling) them and worse, relegating (therefore escalating) ‘The Problem’ as a kind of evil entity of it’s own unwieldy proportions. Dysfunctional /unaware families feed off this misplaced and destructive focus. It is here that the media exploit the lowest common denominator – other entrenched complicating issues that muddy the water.
We know of degrees as in strengths and weakness on any scale within the range. Whether or not a person is decent has nothing to do with any label unless it falls into the gamut covering megalomanic right up to sociopath. A narcissist may or may not have ADHD, just like any other types that may overlap. Rescuers reach a threshold too – throwing off the role as repugnant – their opportunity for transformation. While obviously underscored, any ADHD marriage breakdown is no need to unnecessarily beat themselves up over it – given statistics generally. It’s hard all the things you go through when you lose something you’ve vested heavily in. Few places to hit harder than loss of family. So don’t be so hard on yourself, as much as you’re over it, you’re the one with most potential for insight and strength. How can you promote their unique talents? You probably heard: you/a person is not their disease, mental illness, whatever. I’m gathering it must be easier for onlookers to dehumanise from afar, when it’s all too hard basket (even if that means a brain taking for granted it’s own executive functioning, trying to get its head around a brain without), cause it’s the popular route. Again, empathise with you, feeling dehumanised from close quarters – yet strikes me as part of a bigger struggle than this condition. It’s up to you whether just by changing, however subtle, your overall understanding and approach whether at a distance &/or when close – you reach a compromise/some peace. At least in the short term. It’ll take a load off you and let the ones you love know so in ways you’d never expect.
AD/HD is NOT a predisposition to im/(a)morality, addiction, criminality or initiating/perpetuating strife in general. We’re all different, so cannot be lumped in as if to be ‘handled’ is merely somebody’s unenviable if not unbearable burden. Remembering in the wider spectrum, some loved ones get far less in the way of reflective attachment, affection etc. than the passion us lot are renowned for. Qualities likely attracted you in the first place. To allude to Candace’s wonderful analogy, it’s a hard act radiating when there’s a resounding urge to box one up.
Something to consider, the education system has far to go just incorporating catering for the varying learning styles/categories we all fall into. Imagine how the world would look/be when this often brilliant (innovative, creative etc) percentage of the population is harnessed. (Sadly all too overlooked and worse, chucked in prisons and mental wards – as we learn in Hallowell & Ratey’s ‘Driven to Distraction’ – why threatened by instead of embraced?) Imagine how it would feel if any of your sons were in any way, part of that uplifting contribution. How would Jamie Oliver and Steve Irwin have reached their achievements without a supportive, loving family, encouraging instead of mocking, connecting instead of washing-their-hands-of (one of my mother’s favourite sayings)?
The notion of strong (nuclear) families can be a feint one when some of us don’t have that luxury/fortune/good karma /skills/ conditioning. So many families’ members just don’t treat each other with basic decency, honour, respect. Feel it helps to differentiate between dysfunctional backgrounds (with attendant triggers), stage of spiritual development (don’t have to be ‘religious’, but possess evolved values, integrity [no less importantly to yourself] & compassion – better than a hypocrite, hey; rigorously question ourselves & ‘the way things are’ with a childlike naivety i.e. presumption free), intent and outlook a person holds, and any (awareness of [helps]) co exisiting mental states/mind frames. Obviously – to validate your position – can’t get away from actions, and I reckon attitudes inform actions (however deeply buried they may be). Few aren’t prey to entirely subconscious defeatist ‘stories’/scripts going back to early childhood about the world/us eg. “I’m not worthy… deserving” etc. A bad attitude and bigotry block transparency and defile the truth. Takes a lot of stripping away of the layers to true consciousness – and I’m barely crawling in my early forties! So what would I know, just a few signposts, different and yet at times similar for everybody.
Better get off so I get have a chance of being posted (this is my hyper in an otherwise distracted). Post script re drugs, I actually want to go natural, but is on the backburner due to cost. I tell people that the real debate is not whether or not it actually exists, but how to treat it. My alternative doc I truly respect reckons it’ll overburden my adrenals. The herbs were a great holistic approach including immunity boosters. My friend in the country – a real purist and former naturopathic doctor, soon to be counsellor, denounces most seemingly innocuous herbs as no-no drugs. Thing is, while they’re up there in many aspects of health and healing, they know squat about validating this condition let alone living with it. The organisation in my state has either disbanded or stepped down from manning phones, so I rang Sydney and was told that anyone serious about treatment used conventional medication. Oh what a learning curve ‘n’ ’cause I take some things so literally, or rather with an inability to find flexibility and integrate opposing elements, it’s a challenge. Then again, do that very thing in instances that’d be lost on others.
However in the meantime, in less than six months on dex, someone who’s known me a year and another for over 20 – who both despite their inability to admit ADHD is real – have said adamantly to not go off. Gone from chronic fatigued and stressed doing little, to long days commuting, returning part time to the workforce after well over a decade. Don’t know what the connection is here but even alleviates somewhat my long held neck and shoulder tension. The house is in better shape and I have the focus and stamina to do more of what I decide and act upon. Knowing it’s not an entirely magic pill, I’m sorely missing the coach aspect, being isolated in many senses of the word.
Anyone know if there’s any cyber coaching available? If so, how accessible? It gets really bamboozling searching round the different sites, (mostly in North America as it is) so rarely do. As far as support group, until I find different, in time, the best I’m going to do is online anyway….any ideas where a good place for more detailed forums, support etc. for adult women would be?
I read the article. It is important to think how providing structure for self and others is a hugh difficulty for people ADHD and that raising children and running a home is maining creating and maintaining structure. Men generally work in jobs defined in detail with women as assistants do do all the structure providing functions including things such as appointments with reminders, documentation, and correspondence. I think people in open-ended unstructured jobs with multiple concurrent conflicting tasks to prioritize constantly with lots of noise, demands, and people in their face are the ADHDers that have it the worst.
Of course women are “more impaired” than men.
But I don’t see how that’s women’s fault when a significant percentage of that is cultural.
There are scores more names of MALE genius entrepreneurs with ADHD and/or DaVinci Syndrome. Billionaires, some of them.
Marc Cuban.
Jeff what’s his name, the handsome blue-eyed guy who founded Jet Blue.
Richard Branson.
The man who WROTE the DaVinci syndrome book (I’ve forgotten his name, but I do remember that he’s spoken at MIT, because I’ve worked with someone at the media lab, but I’m not on the genius list. I’m a girl.)
Why?
Not just because they’re male, but because they have principally female structural support systems in place to assist them, AND they’re not burdened with structural responsibilities culturally assigned to women for which women with ADHD are judged disproportionately harshly.
And don’t tell me about Ms. Solden. I’ve been reading her books for years. She’s named the problem, but no one — not even saintly, angelic her — has yet to come up with a concrete, consistent solution. Because even though, according to her, we’re supposed to just “accept being messy” — the world (our families, our bosses) is NEVER going to accept it. We will be divorced. We will be called bad mothers by our neighbors and our own children. We will be fired.
And every time we are fired makes it harder to get hired the next time.
And if you try to come up with your own solution — even if you pitch it to “your” ADHD community, which is supposed to be so open to innovation?
It’s too “new”. Too “risky”. “No one has tried it yet.”
I can’t IMAGINE someone saying that to Marc Cuban with a straight face.
And I’m not just talking about mothers/homemakers, although those are the traditional structural support systems that women are supposed to maintain in American culture.
In business, it’s exactly the same. Women are supposed to be the administrators. Still.
Even in show business. Women are the producers. MEN are the directors.
If you’re a woman with ADHD and/or traditionally “male” talents?
Sorry. No structural support for you.
Not even from your “own” ADHD community.
Because if you were going to try to hire someone to assist you with the support — and bear all the censure and scrutiny and ridicule that came with “failing in your role” — since you have traditionally “male” talents, and so therefore there’s no way that you’re going to be paid what men are paid ( if you have the incredible luck to be hired at all) because, lest we forget, the ERA was never passed —
how are you going to afford it??
Women with ADD do have unique challenges — or are they actually opportunities? I was diagnosed 10 years ago and danced around my ADHD diagnosis for a long time before I actually believed it was accurate. Despite the piles, the procrastination, the tardiness. Hey, it was just me being me, right?
Now I have “reframed” those labels — I’m “flexible, spontaneous, creative, energetic, engaging, determined, generous, sensitive.” In other words, my ADD makes me pretty darned special..and I mean that in a good way!
When I turned 50, though, the ADD got SO much worse that I had no choice but to address it fully. My specific solutions aren’t important (they work for ME, not necessarily any one else). But my “aha” moments caused me to rethink my life, begin to TRUST myself (for the first time) and I retrained as a retreat facilitator and later as an ADD coach for women.
I created the ADDiva Network to support women with ADD – particularly those in midlife when hormones go wacky and ADD follows suit! There’s an online forum, monthly community calls, ADDiva retreats. What I hear from the women who connect via the Network is that it means SO much to be with other women who “get it.”
We aren’t winning the Betty Crocker award. We’re trying to finish the darned laundry before we run out of clean socks! So, here’s to the ADDiva in all of us ADD women! Viva ADDiva!. PS come visit if you like — http://www.addiva.net
Hugs and more hugs
Women With ADD Are More Impaired
Although it is accepted that fewer girls are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD than boys (in childhood) – the number is almost equal in adults. New research has demonstrated that women are in fact more impaired with their ADD than the men.
Women With ADD Are More Impaired | ADD ADHD Blog.com
Although it is accepted that fewer girls are diagnosed with ADD/ADHD than boys (in childhood) – the number is almost equal in adults. New research has demonstrated that women are in fact more impaired with their ADD than the men.
I was (recently) diagnosed at 37 after I returned to college. I am approaching graduation in computer information systems. I can rebuild computers and program them and troubleshoot…and I am very lonely at times.
I’ve done a lot of things 5-15 years behind my peers; driving, graduating college..(not married yet..still working on it before I’m 50:LOL:). In some ways, it’s been helpful. In others, it’s hard. I find I often am the same age or older than my professors!
I’m facing graduation and I’m scared. Sometimes, people see this as “you just don’t want to do anything boring” disorder. I’ve had instructors call me “a slow learner” or try to discourage me from my major because I take so long to reach a place of proficiency. I don’t give up because I know once I get past the learning curve, I do very well with the knowledge I’ve attained. I make it my own. Right now, I am reading a lot about artificial intelligence theory in terms of improving speech/grammar recognition software.
I’m looking to go into health information technology. I would like to look for work at mental health/nursing home care facilities as I am hoping they will be more patient and allow my self-accomodations.
Oh, BTW, issues I’ve come across (beyond emotionally maturing slowly) are problems controlling my emotions. I cry/get angry/become sad more easily. I also have to fight self-absorption.
Some of the men I’ve dated have lost patience with me because of those above things. A divorced older man wasn’t so uptight, but the ones who’ve never married take those symptoms as more personal.
It does seem to be helpful to hang around much older/younger people. If I’m around younger folk, I feel more empowered and I can see how much I’ve matured. Around older ones, I feel more tolerated.
No matter what, turning 40 has been a lot happier for me than turning 20! A lot gradually changed in me, especially in taking responsibility for managing my disorders (depression, anxiety, ADD). I feel less and less like a victim.
Hi Sandy, I’m a 41 yr old female and was diagnosed with ADD about a year ago. I just started graduate school this fall for an MA in Education. For one of my classes I am doing a “Milestone” project, recounting the major milestones in my life and what they’ve meant to me.
I’m so glads to hear someone else talk about maturing more slowly than her peers! As I do my milestone project, I am really becoming aware of how slowly I’ve matured. I was in high school before i got my first job, I started driving years after my classmates, I’m not married nor have I had any steady relationships.
I’m finally starting to see that I’m not lazy or stupid, and the fact that I’ve come as far as I have is actually quite amazing!
Take care and good luck!
I’m back again and still struggling. Haven’t found Ritalin to work for me — caused major headaches and crashes, so need to consider alternatives, especially natural ones.
Have recently found and read Nancy Ratey’s book “The Disorganized Mind” and found it has made great sense and has given me some clues as to why at 50, my world has fallen apart. Well, I have gone from a structured corporate environment to running my own retail business and never realized how much I needed to structure of that corporate world. This book has really helped me to identify why life is all of a sudden such a challenge and some of the things that I can do to make a difference.
But I got offered a new job yesterday with an organization that needs that “Out of the Box” creative thinker — so have faith.
Like a flower, we take root and keep growing. Never stop!
Joanne
Great to hear all the comments from others of you living a few beats behind the main drum. Keep going, Zeb! I started driving at 24!
Interesting, Joanne, the comment on being an out of the box thinker. After listening to that online letter “Managing the Gift…”, it really helps to reframe. We do tend to be very creative.
I think my creativity is what has saved me in a lot of cases, when my awkward social skills and disorganization might have been my downfall! Joanne, I tried the stimulants, Focalin and Vyvanse, and they made me irritable and I crashed, too. Now I’m on Strattera and I think it’s gonna work. It sure is nice to have like-minded people to talk to!
Zeb – thanks for your comments.
FYI – there is a growing community of like minded people in a new social media site on ADD/ADHD.
It’s at: http://www.adhdworld.com
Best,
Dr. Kenny
[...] Women With ADD Are More Impaired [...]
[...] Women With ADD Are More Impaired [...]
Is anyone out there reading this string anymore? Well, I’ve about hit a wall. For about 5 years, possibly more, I’ve self-diagnosed myself as having ADD. A friend’s mother mentioned having it herself and her symptoms sounded eerily familiar. She gave me some books on the subject. I read all about myself. Just like many others who’ve said they’ve found liberation in the diagnosis, I found liberation. Lately, I’ve not so much to feel like celebrating. Here’s my scenario:
I’m a 41 y.o. woman. I’m in debt from overspending in creating a business that didn’t work out. I loved being self-employed: keeping my own hours and doing the one thing that I was really good at doing, but I failed at the business part of things. So I am back at my mother’s home until I get back on my feet. Which most likely means, until some other impulsive adventure gets me out of here. I am not in a relationship. The longest relationship I’ve ever had may have been nearly 2 years. I’ve ended most of them. I’m promiscuous, have had affairs, impulsive, moody, day-dreamy, hate dealing with authority, likes to do things my way, procrastinates, starts new projects and doesn’t finish them, socially awkward, withdrawn (more comfortable when alone), depressed, argumentative, impatient, stubborn, without a mouth filter, hard time staying focused when reading or working on certain projects, other times I’m hyperfocused, don’t stay on track, get agitated easily, late for appointments… Ugh! There’s more. I feel stupid. I know I’m smart, but I feel like my brain is only functioning at about 20%. I don’t feel aware of things that many “normal” people just know. It’s like they get fed this stuff through a cable directly into their brains. Who has time to keep up with all the news and politics and religion and stuff? I know I’m smart and I test well except comprehension is usually average. I’m a very slow reader – sometimes having to reread passages several times for anything to sink in. I’m super creative. I grew up singing, dancing, drawing, reading, writing, sewing, knitting, planting, building, acting, cooking, designing… The one “compliment” I hear most from people is that I’m “so talented”. Which really means: I’m so crafty. (Even though I sang, danced, and acted, I was very shy. These were avenues in which I sought attention. I wanted to be considered and praised as a wonderful performer.) Most of the day I feel lazy. There’s a pile of things to do, and I don’t do them because I don’t have the mental energy to do them. But I’ll do things that are more entertaining to me. My dilemma is that I am 41 and single and unemployed and without insurance and in debt. I want, I really want, to be in a loving and trusting and caring relationship with someone. I want to be a contributor in the relationship. I want to take care of myself now and for the long run. I want to be happy that I am different, but so far it’s led to me a life that I am ashamed of and feeling was a huge waste. I love my creativity. I am working on designing and sewing a line of ladies handbags. I’ll probably get bored or frustrated with this within the year. I’m not interested in drugs to help me. (Besides, I’m not on insurance.) I want to function and make a decent living. I cringe at the idea of treatment: meetings, counseling, planning… Those of are the sorts of things I never do well with. I don’t follow instructions thoroughly and I have an “I know what’s best” attitude. So, I’m pretty sure I have ADD.
RR – I’ve read your thread, and I have compassion for the struggles you describe.
The ultimate question is – if you are reluctant to consider any of the treatments or things that may help you – how are you going to change the patterns from recurring?
This thread hasn’t been that active – though you may find some ‘community’ on http://www.ADHDWorld.com
Best,
Dr. Kenny
RR, yes we’re still out there but like you many of us are struggling to keep the balls in the air. I’m older than you but am also self-employed, in debt and in a relationship that is going, going . . . Don’t minimize those comments about how talented you are. You probably are. And its not just about being “crafty”. I own a quilt shop, am a quilter, teach quilting +++. Being talented means being able to go beyond what is in the books, find the magic and make it real. It’s when you turn what is in your head into something real. THAT is talent. My biggest challenge is not having the time to exercise my talent because I am so busy doing the “must haves”. So now I am working to have Sunday afternoon for my play time.
I also have SO MANY projects in various stages. The deal with my staff is that I have to complete one to get the next one that has caught my interest. They are helping to keep me focussed and on track.
Good luck. And think about the medication. I haven’t had great success with that by am doing better with diet and exercise. Wish I had a support group though — can’t afford counselling, not that there is anything available in Northern Ontario.